Melissa and the Batfamily
by Scoobyfan4ever
Summary: Even more out of cannon/context craziness because why not? A collection of nuttiness. (Marked complete just 'cause I can)
1. Chapter 1

**It IS getting its own story :) Why? 'Cause I could write an infinite number of these. Enjoy!**

**...**

* * *

"Do I want to know?" Batgirl asked humorously as she landed on the roof of the GCPD

There, tied to the Bat-Signal in nothing but his boxers was Jason Todd.

"Just get me down from here!" Jason snapped, "I'll kill her for this,"

"You won't lay a hand on my girlfriend!" Nightwing declared upon his arrival.

"You're siding with her?" Jason grunted.

"I DID warn you,"

"What happened?" Batgirl demanded.

"He insulted my taste in music. Even Gremlin knows not to do that!"

Melissa had arrived or rather, Thalia had. Smirking, she watched Nightwing and Batgirl struggle to cut Jason loose from his binds. She had her fun and had plenty of pictures for when he tried to deny it or tried to come after her.

Which he would and did.

And that is how Thalia Bloom earned the name queen of revenge rightly given to her by Jothan Kent who said something he shouldn't have.

But that remains a mystery.

* * *

**Interesting and concerning things I've heard Melissa say.**

_A list by Tim Drake._

"Don't touch my MP3 player, Todd or I'll break your ribs"

"What do you mean I CAN'T break his ribs?" -Melissa to Dick.

"Dresses are the worst!"

"SUT IT TODD! DOCTOR REID IS SPEAKING!"

"This is too normal!" -Melissa while reading a book (hanging upside down)

"CALL ME CARLY AGAIN AND I'LL RIP OUT KIDNEYS"

"How is FROZEN worse than SVU?"

"I'll pound you with my mallet if you ever interrupt my show again,"

* * *

Melissa sat between the two boys who were scowling at each other. When did she become their personal counselor?

More importantly, why did her boyfriend insist on planning his Halloween costume in freaking MAY?

"What happened, Gremlin?"

"I refuse to be a part of Grayson's shenanigans,"

"What's wrong with it?" Dick retorted holding up a child-sized rabbit costume.

"I can think of a few things," Melissa snickered.

"Like what?"

"For one, It's a rabbit and two, have you ever seen A Christmas Story?"

"I thought it was funny,"

"Gremlin didn't," Melissa observed, eyeing the cast Dick wore.

During all of this, Tim sat in the armchair and meticulously wrote about what was going on in case Dick ever tried this again.

Which he undoubtedly would.


	2. A drabble for Monkey

**Inspired by my brother and a meme.**

**...**

All was quiet in the Manor. Everyone was occupied in one way or another. Melissa took this quiet moment to draw. Nestled in an armchair with her sketchbook and a pencil she set to work drawing Jason who had crashed on the couch a little over an hour beforehand. When asleep, far less annoying. Although she was tempted to draw on his face she decided to behave and just sketch him as he was.

Midway through her work, he woke up stretching his arms straight above his head he exclaimed in a most dramatic fashion:

_**"I LIIVVE"**_

Melissa snickered, drawing Jason's attention.

"What's so funny, Quinn?" he asked, arching an eyebrow.

"You sound like Mushu,"

"The lizard?"

"He's a dragon!"

"Oh, yeah,"

For the first time ever the two self-proclaimed rivals shared a laugh


	3. Chapter 3

**And we're back to the out of context because Where On Earth Is Thalia Bloom is at a dead end. As for the next story in Melissa's main timeline well my poor brain can't think up a solid, serious storyline. Man, do I miss Wingless. That story practically writes itself.**

**...**

* * *

Unbeknownst to the rest of the Bat-Family Melissa and Jason actually have a great friendship. It all started with a movie. But they don't let anyone else know. Whenever they hear someone coming this happens:

"Default?" Melissa smirked.

"Let's do it," Jason nodded.

When Dick walked in he found Melissa pinning Jason to the floor.

"You were saying, Todd?" she snapped.

"Crazy,"

"Thank you,"

Dick rolled his eyes as he pried Melissa off of Jason.

"You guys really need to work out your differences," he groaned.

...

* * *

**Shrubbery.**

"must you always cut down the hedges?" Melissa asked dryly.

"I find it fun," Damian responded.

"I notice you avoid the animal-shaped shrubs now?"

"I wouldn't feel right about it,"

Melissa glanced at the line of pets beside her. Alfred the Cat, Titus the dog, Jerry the turkey, Bat cow and a freaking BAT-DRAGON named Goliath.

Melissa shrugged. This was Gremlin after all.

...

**Tim Tries to figure out what Melissa's favorite Disney Movie is.**

It wasn't Snow White too girly.

Bambi's out (Melissa dislikes Bambi because of the death scene)

Bruce says Dumbo.

Alfred said 101 Dalmations.

Dick swore it was Frozen.

Jason insists on Tangled.

Barbra and Stephine agree on Brave.

Damian is not interested in the debate.

The mystery is still ongoing.


End file.
